"Bubble Gum Mass"

Bubble-gum blowing,
at intervals popping
rather poor showing
but instead of stopping

the man dressed like Barney
with a gold and white stole
keeps making a blarney
'bout the peace of the soul

In the name of Creator
Redeemer and Spirit
now we must pray for
those not here to hear it

Still bubble gum blowing
with iPods now showing
the people are going
Yet Barney's not slowing

He winds up his sermon
In typical keeping
Can't hear a word in
the church, all are sleeping

And now starts the dancing
With singing and praise
The white streamers prancing
My head in a daze

Oh bubble gum blowing
with game boys humming
for the Creed forgoing
but guitars yet strumming

We stand and we sit
but we cannot kneel,
we'll laugh and throw fits
but we're never genteel

Barney wants us to clap
to cheer and to squeal
he's a right jolly chap
he wants us to feel

Bubble gum blowing
with text messages winging
tantrums kids throwing
and cell phones are ringing

We have grape juice to drink
with our wonder bread snack
God forbids us to think
about this most vile attack

It's I love you,
and you love me
we're all a happy family
at the bubble gum blowing
and cereal throwing,
mass of Barney the clown

"What's the Church?"

"Light and way
truth and life
Iesus Christos
found in strife

Upon the reed
as if a Rock
placed the keys to
Heaven unlock

To stand through time
despite Gates of Hell
strong and firm
against death's knell

Lord and leader
Gave us preachers
simple Galileans
inspired teachers

Found in Scripture
but in addition
taught in the bulwark
of holy Tradition

Choirs of angels
Communion of Saints
the Church is a family
even for the faint

Many things
to many people
found beneath
the ancient steeple

Within the Church
"Katholikas"
immortal life found
in the Mass

That's the Truth
the heart at least
that we all shall eat
at the Lamb's Feast

That's the Church
to me you see
Home, heaven and happiness
is now and ever shall be"

"Missing Person's Report"

Look, in the sky!
What's that? Did you see?
Not a bird, or a plane,
but a priest, flying free!

Why he seemed quite at ease,
not at all wobbly kneed.
With the birds and the breeze,
T'was a game I believed.

He rode in a chair,
(Saw him grin, saw him wave)
raised on helium air.
(Never seen a soul quite so brave.)

In the sun he did dance,
wth the children he'd laugh.
Not a man was but entranced
with this great gaseous gaff.

Oh, we clapped and we played,
and he smiled and bowed.
Gave a cheer, hip-hurray!
Then he shouted aloud...

But alas, none could hear what he said.

Now in a white sandy daze
with unaverted gaze
watched the merry young priest,
who was sixty at least,

With a gust of the air,
and balloons bright and gay.
He seemed in rather good cheer
as he drifted all day...

and toasted with fine Belgian beer!

To his course, who can say?
He did seem quite steady.
T'was a fine windy day,
he must have been ready.

As a bad bit of wind
blew out of the West.
Oh poor Father, a sin!
Sir, you must know the rest.

He got swept out to sea,
on tides of the air.
And we were the last to see,
The priest in the bright, balloon chair.